Snape's Cattastrophe
by Blackwolf-20
Summary: During the battle against the Death Eaters, Hermione ends up killing Snape. Strangely enough, it doesn't end there as he comes back. Snape makes it his personal mission to hunt her down. challenge response for Lady Phoenix Fire Rose.
1. Chapter 1

**This fic is for Lady Phoenix Fire Rose's Dare entitled "I Thought You Were Dead!" For it, I was given the victim and the murderer and it was my choice on how they died. I also got prompts. To understand how the dare goes, keep reading below. **

Oops!

The noise of war cries and curses from the battle kept buzzing in Hermione's ear. They weren't loud enough to distract her, not even from the Black lake where she stood now, facing her enemy. Her wand shook slightly in her hand as she faced her old professor. Snape's wand never shook. He held it firmly and kept it pointed directly at her heart.

Neither had made the first step in screaming a curse. Neither had moved. They just stood facing one another like statues.

"What are you waiting for you insufferable know-it-all?" Snape spat.

Hermione gulped. She never imagined she'd have to take down one of her own professors, but Snape was a traitor.

"Waiting for me to return your assignment so you can see your perfect score?"

Hermione frowned, angered.

"You haven't got it in you," Snape continued. "So why don't you do us both a favor and lower your wand. Turn around and head for the safety of your muggle home. You're no match here."

"I'm more than a match for you," Hermione countered, though she has a slight feeling of doubt.

"You're no match for me you silly girl!"

"Why are you doing this?" Hermione suddenly asked.

Snape narrowed his eyes. "That is one thing, you wouldn't understand," he drawled.

Hermione's eyes hardened. The staring match continued. Both were getting restless.

"Enough of this," Snape declared.

"You're quite right," Hermione agreed.

Snape yelled out the stunning curse, while Hermione yelled a body binding curse. The lights of power met in the middle, but Hermione's light was stronger. It pushed both curses into an alarmed Severus Snape who's body went as stiff as a statue. He was right near the edge of the lake. Hermione gasped as she watched his body tip over into the water. His eyes were glued to her as he made the splash. Hermione hurried to the edge, but Snape was already sinking below the black depths. Hermione was dumfounded. Of course the right thing to do was to levitate him out, but now the war cries were distracting. Her friends were fighting for their lives and she needed to be with them and do her part. If she saved Snape now, he would just be adding on to the trouble they were already having.

She made a not so difficult decision. She ran away from the lake. If anyone asked about Snape, which she doubted, she would simply tell them he sunk out of sight.

Unbeknownst to Hermione, a thin, scrawny gray cat had been watching the exchange from behind a tree. She wasn't just any ordinary cat. She understood what was happening around her. She understood the struggle for power and knew there might be little chance of one side winning without much damage. But her concern was focused on the greasy haired man. She had been following him from afar, attempting to judge his true nature. For Snape was a man the cat could not figure out. It was the complex she was drawn to. Everyone else, she knew their story. She knew whether they were truly bad or good, but she herself wasn't choosing a side. The only thing she wanted to choose was to save his life.

After making sure no one else was about, she patted over to the lake. She patted the ground three times with her left paw. Surfacing from the lake came the tentacle of the giant squid. Within her head, she heard his voice.

'_It's been a long time Monna'_

'_Yes it has'_ the cat responded with her thoughts.

'_Why have you come?'_

'_I've come seeking someone who is worthy. And the one who is worthy, just sunk into your lake'_

'_A man?'_

'_A man. Please fetch him out for me'_

'_It may be too late'_

The cat Monna took no concern over the warning.

'_It's never to late. Have you forgotten who I am?'_

Then tentacle sunk below the surface. After a moment, Snape was rising out of the water with the help of two tentacles wrapped around his body. Snape was gently laid down on the bank.

'_Anything else?'_

'_That is all' _Monna told him as she stepped up to Snape.

She crawled onto his chest and inspected him closely. The man was definitely dead. With her left paw, she patted the area over his heart, then she leaned into his mouth; it was the cat's kiss of life.

Where ever Snape's soul was traveling, it was being pulled back down. Snape gave a great gasp. His pupils dilated and momentarily took the shape of cat's eyes. His chest heaved. Then his line of sight came into focus. There was a cat's face leaning over his own. Snape immediately sat up, causing the cat to go flying into the lake.

He looked around as he tried to recall everything. He remembered Hermione striking, actually cursing and killing him by knocking him into the lake. Without realizing it, he felt his back arch in anger. Then his anger turned to confusion.

"If that know-it-all killed me, how am I still alive?"

"I believe that is my doing."

Snape looked around and saw the scrawny gray cat stepping out of the water. She shook herself wildly.

"Did you just talk?" Snape asked.

"Yes. And I am also the one who saved you. My name is Monna. I think we can be of help to each other."

Snape quirked a suspicious eyebrow at her. He reached for his wand and without muttering the curse, he sent the cat flying back into the lake.

"Help yourself," Snape muttered as he stood and left the Black lake behind.

**I'm going to go ahead and say that Snape will not gain any special powers because of the cat. If you've ever seen the movie "CatWoman" or seen the series "Sailor Moon", those were kind of my inspirations. This is a humorous fic. I'll see how far we can push that humor. But this is the basis of my challenge. To bring the murdered victim back to life. **

**So next chapter. Monna and Snape**

**Review if you will. See you then.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay guys, here's part 2. By the way the story's going, I'm being spontaneous. I writing as I go which is unlike the way I write. So whether Snape is a traitor or not like in the books, we'll work up to that.**

The Cat's Meow

Snape trailed the edges of the lake with one idea in mind; find Hermione Granger. He bared his teeth.

"Who does that muggleborn think she is?" he questioned. "Clever girl. She'll pay for what she's done."

Snape stopped near a tree as he noticed a cut across the top of his hand. Without thinking, he licked it gently, much like an animal would do.

Walking up to him, soaking wet and sputtering was the cat.

"That was….very….unnecessary…..I did you…no….harm."

Snape casually glanced at her. "Ah, so you've survived?"

"I have, and so have you," said the cat. "Thanks to me."

"Stealing the credit are you," Snape spat.

"What? I was—"

"Who are you?" Snape rudely interrupted.

Monna sighed and twitched her tail in frustration. "My name is Monna, and I helped bring you back to life."

"Really," said Snape in an unimpressed manner. Clearly he didn't believe it. "Well, whatever your reasons for being here, you should know there is a battle happening at the moment. So forgive me if I don't wave a ball of yarn in front of your face." With the thought of yarn, Snape felt a longing in his heart.

"I didn't come to you for yarn," Monna spat. "I simply wanted to help you."

"A likely story," Snape growled. "How do I know you're not somehow working with the Order?"

"The Order?"

Suddenly there was a loud growling coming to them. Snape looked up and saw Fang, Hagrid's trusty boarhound bounding up to them. He was barking as he came closer. Snape hissed and leaped up the tree.

"Infernal beast!" he yelled.

Monna stood her ground, but her back arched a bit.

"Don't worry," Monna assured Snape. "I'll order him away. Halt beast!" Fang kept running. "I said HALT BEAST!"

Fang's barks became frightening growls. Monna screamed and leaped up the tree next to Snape. They were cornered.

"Nice work Mittens," said Snape sarcastically.

"It's Monna," she hissed. "I don't understand. Why didn't he listen to me?"

"No one in their right mind would take orders from a cat," said Snape.

"Can you do better?" Monna questioned, in an irritated manner. "How about putting that stick to good use."

Snape pulled out his wand, and in an instant, Fang was laying on his side. He pocketed it and started making his way down. Not once did he think about the fact that he had allowed a dog to scare him up a tree. Monna followed after him.

"Oh my, you didn't have to kill the poor thing."

"He's not dead. Just knocked out," he said as he brushed a hand through his hair. He started to walk away from them.

"Where are you going?"

"Back to the castle."

"You mean back to the battle."

"That's what I mean," Snape sneered.

"But, you could get killed."

"I have an important role to fill."

"Like revenge?" asked the cat.

"The girl, yes, but I need to find the boy as well."

Against Snape's wishes, Monna followed behind.

The battle was still going strong by the time Snape neared the castle. Amycus Carrow was standing near, observing.

"Severus, where have you been? Those Hogwarts' brats are starting to get the upper hand!"

"I was caught off guard. Where is Granger?"

"Who?"  
"Granger! A bushy haired know-it-all," Snape hissed.

"It's the Potter boy you should be concerned with. Can't find him anywhere!"

Snape considered this for a moment. He reasoned it was highly likely that Hermione was where ever Harry was.

"Nice to know you've had time to make a friend during all this," Amycus said while nodding to the cat. Snape looked down at Monna who sat and twitched her tail in a calm manner.

"She's not, she's just a nuisance," Snape stated. "And why are you just standing around."

"I was preparing to search for the Potter boy."

"Leave that to me."

And without waiting for confirmation, Snape turned away from the scene with Monna following.

"What will you do when you find the boy?" she asked innocently.

"None of your concern," Snape growled. "What is it that you want from me?"

"I haven't fully decided, so I suppose I'll keep watching."

"So long as you don't get in my way."

"Do you know where you're going?"

Snape had no clue where he was going. He wasn't even sure what was leading him. He just walked in the direction of the boathouse. Aside from Harry, the main thing on his mind was Granger. He was driven more than ever to confront her once more. At one point, Snape came to a stop as voices echoed in his ears. He could tell right away that they belonged to Harry, Ron and Hermione. They were headed in the same direction as himself. Snape hurried on in order to get the jump on them.

"Harry, there's no way you can turn yourself over to them," Hermione said as she kept up her pace besides Ron and Harry.

"I'm not, but I can't let any more people die because of me."

They came to a stop just inside the room. Harry raised his wand and looked around.

"He's not here."

"No, but I am."

Snape made his appearance known as he stepped out of the shadows. Hermione paled and Snape's face widened in a grin. Hermione started to back away.

"You," she gasped.

"Yes, me miss Granger," he confirmed with a look of satisfaction.

"I thought you were dead!" she cried.

"Clearly you thought wrong, for once in your life."

"Excuse me, but what the bloody hell is going on?" Ron interrupted. "And what's with the cat?"

Snape looked down to see Monna watching the scene curiously. Snape glowered at her.

"Didn't I tell you to wait outside!"

In the second Snape decided to focus on the cat, Hermione took her shot. By the time Monna shouted out, the roof of the boathouse was falling down. Monna leapt aside, but Snape had not been quick enough. The construction fell heavily upon the professor.

Once the dust had cleared, there was silence. Ron and Harry's mouths had fallen open. They turned to stare at Hermione who was quite shaken, but determined.

"Hermione," Harry started. "Er, I'd hate to tell you what you told me once, but …you attacked a teacher."

"She didn't just attack him," cried Ron, who gulped. "She killed him."

"Well, I did once before," Hermione admitted.

"Excuse me?"

"Let's get out of here."

Hermione didn't wait. She hurried out of the boathouse. Soon Ron and Harry were following.

Climbing out of a side pile, coughing and sputtering up dust was the cat. She shook off the dust as much as she could, then she looked over at the enormous pile under which the man she had previously saved laid. Only his hand was sticking out. She trotted up to it and pressed a nose to his wrist. There was no question about it. He was dead. Monna sat back on her haunches and twitched her tail angrily.

"Bloody hell," she hissed.

**Well, Snape has died again. Will he make it this time. You might kind of already know where I'm going with this, with a second death of Snape and the cat. But whatever. I'm writing as I go.**


	3. Chapter 3

**He onlyDisclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**

**Here goes another one. Let's see how this one goes. **

Taste

"Bloody hell," Monna hissed as she started to climb onto the pile. "Now I'll have to find someone else to…."

At that moment, the pile began to shake. Monna leaped off. Rising out of the pile was a hand, followed by the rest of the body. Snape groaned as he pulled himself out of the rumble. Monna stood back transfixed.

"You're alive? And without my help?" Monna asked.

As soon as Snape was out of it, he began brushing himself off.

"Of course, I don't need your help with anything," he hissed. "Ouch, I scratched myself."

Snape looked down at his hands and noticed that his nails were a lot longer than they were before. They were long and curved almost like claws. He felt some discomfort in his feet so he pulled off his shoes. His toenails had grown just as long and were tearing through his socks. He pulled them off and threw them aside.

"Curse that Granger," he hissed. "That's the second time she's…I'm alive."

Snape stared as it suddenly dawned on him.

"That's what I said," said Monna. "Curious."

Snape hissed. "This is getting ridiculous."

He marched his way out of the boathouse with Monna following behind, staring at him with great curiosity.

"I wonder," she whispered to herself. "Where are we going now?"

"To see the Dark Lord," Snape muttered.

"_Severus!"_

Snape froze when the snake like voice reached him. Voldemort had appeared out of nowhere behind him. He turned to him and gave him a slight bow.

"My lord."

"Where have you been Severus?"

"Tracking the Potter boy," Snape answered.

Voldemort glared. "The boy seems to have given me the slip. Come. We shall return to Malfory manor."

"My lord?" Snape questioned. "We're retreating?"  
"For now," Voldemort answered. "I wish to plan a different tactic for flushing the boy out of hiding. Too much magical blood has been spilled already. I do not wish to spill more, but if there is no other way, then so be it. Come."

Snape gave a small bow. "As you wish."

"And do something about that cat," he said over his shoulder.

"I assure you she's very tame," said Snape with a careful glance down at Monna who gulped. She didn't want to be anywhere near the cause of the war, but she also didn't want Snape to leave her sight.

"Tell me we're not going to the manor," Monna sighed.

"You're not going to the manor," said Snape coldly, "But I am."

Just before Snape disappeared, Monna hitched a ride.

An hour later, Monna found herself seated next to Snape who sat at the large dinner table in the Malfoy manor. She was eager to create space between herself and the men Snape sat among, but the giant reptile had her glittering eyes upon her. Since he was so close to the other Death eaters, she couldn't talk to him. Snape barely cast a look in her direction. While the conversation was echoing around him, his thoughts drifted back to Granger and he sneered. Though he had promised to track down Potter, he was determined to settle the score with Granger.

"Severus, Severus!"

Snape looked around to see that Lucious had been calling to him.

"Something troubling you?"

"The thing that troubles me, troubles us all," Snape answered smoothly.

"I was going to ask if you would like another drink. You haven't touched the firewhiskey."

Snape looked at his still filled goblet.

"Perhaps another drink. Milk."

"Milk?"

"Yes. I…suddenly find myself desiring it."

Lucious gave him an odd look, as did Monna from the floor. Nonetheless, Lucious snapped his fingers. His current house elf came hurrying up and took Snape's glass. In a few moments, his whiskey had been replaced by milk. Snape gladly sipped as if it where the finest wine in the world.

When Voldemort finally arrived and took his place at the head of the table, the meeting began. Of course Voldemort gave his speech about the war effort. He congratulated his strongest fighters, then set about making plans for a second attack; one that involved the death of Potter.

Snape only half listened to what was said. His mind was still on Granger, but after he found himself going for his final sip of milk, his thoughts shifted to the substance. Snape quickly put the goblet down. In all his life, he couldn't remember the last time he had drank milk.

"Severus!"

Snape looked around at Voldemort. Every eye was upon him.

"Yes my lord."

"You will be ready by tomorrow?"

Snape paled slightly. He had not been paying full attention.

"Tomorrow, my lord?"

"Yes, tomorrow. I shall send yourself and a few others to seek the boy's location. I shall no longer call for him to come to me."

"As you wish," said Snape. "If you'll excuse me, I'll go and rest up for tomorrow."

Voldemort nodded and Snape left the table with Monna following behind.

Once they were out of earshot, Monna turned to him.

"Are you alright?" she asked with some concern.

"Never better," Snape sneered. "The Dark Lord has given me the task of tracking the Potter boy. Once I find him, Granger will not be too far behind."

"Still determined to get her then?"

"Of course."

"And what will you do when you catch her? Kill her?"

Snape kept his lips tight. He really had no intention of killing any of his enemies from the other side. He was suppose to remain faithful to Dumbledore, but Granger was throwing him off. She had killed him twice afterall.

"Snape, Snape wait!"

He turned around to see a thin, whiskery man hurrying up to him.

"I don't believe we've met. I'm Gollin. I'll be accompanying you on the task."

"I don't need to be accompanied," Snape growled.

"Really? You could have fooled me with that cat that's tailing yah," he said with a hoarse laugh. "But it's not my decision. It was ordered by the Dark Lord. So I'm coming with you whether you like it or not."

"Wonderful," said Snape sarcastically.

"I think so," said Gollin. "We'll get that Potter."

Snape ignored the man as he started to ramble about the possibilities of their triumphing. What he was starting to wonder was his own changes, which he had completely ignored. The fact that he had been frightened by Hagrid's dog, and the fact that he found himself suddenly craving milk. But his latest thoughts went out the window when an enticing scent came to his nose. Snape came to a stop with Gollin next to him.

"What is it?"

Snape didn't answer. His eyes were searching the dark corner of the hall. Monna was watching Snape curiously.

"It's there," Snape said quietly.

"What's there?"

Without thinking, Snape crouched and made like he was about to pounce. Much to Gollin and Monna's surprise, he did. He leaped in one jump to the corner and his hands closed onto something. Only when Snape stood did Gollin cross over to him.

"Merlin's beard, what are you…what have you got there?"

Snape turned and revealed a struggling rat in his hands. Snape was smiling triumphantly at it.

"A rat of course."

"Oh," said Gollin. "Not…not the Pettigrew rat."

"No you fool. Pettigrew is dead. No. Just an ordinary rat. I'll dispose of it."

Snape turned before Gollin could make any comment on his unusual capture technique. Monna hurried behind him. When they reached the room that had been assigned to Snape, she spoke.

"I was afraid of this."

"Afraid of what?" Snape asked, though his focus was still on the struggling rat.

"It seems I may have put a little too much of my essence into you when I was reviving you back to life."

"Meaning?" Snape questioned, though he didn't appear interested enough to pay full attention to her.

"Meaning you seem to possess certain cat instincts. You even possess the rare, supernatural longevity of nine lives. But that's just a hypothesis."

Snape was silent a moment.

"Well, if that's the case, it looks like my odds of catching the Potter boy without harming myself, have increased." His grin widened as he stared at the rat. "You don't really expect me to believe that do you?"

Before Monna could respond, Snape had stuffed the rat into his mouth. Monna was sickened by the way he devoured the thing, like a starved creature.

When he was done, Snape went to licking his hands. He was completely oblivious to what he had just done, and what he was continuing to do.

"Yes, I don't expect you to believe it," said Monna to herself.

**So, it's possible for me not to kill Snape every chapter. And, as you've noticed, Snape's cat instincts are getting stronger. Stay tuned for the next chappy.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**

**okay guys, here's the next chapter. And as usual, we'll see how it goes. Happy for so many reviews. Keep them up. It only gets funnier.**

A Message

While Snape was consuming his rat in Malfoy's manor, Harry, Ron and Hermione were hiding out in a secret Bungalow in the middle of a wood. All were seated on the floor in a circle, and none were speaking. They were all in deep thought about the situation, but when it came to Hermione, her thoughts were on another matter entirely.

She couldn't help thinking about Snape, and the fact that he had come from the dead for the second time. Part of her kept wondering if she would be unfortunate enough to see him again.

"Don't be silly," she said under her breath. "He can't come back again."

"What's that Hermione?" asked Ron.

"Oh, it's nothing," she muttered.

"Come on Harry, we've got to come up with some way out of this," Ron went on.

"There's only one way," said Harry.

"Harry,no," cried Ron

"You can't!" cried Hermione. "You can't give up!"

"I'm not giving up. I just can't keep letting people die for me."

"Look, we got away now, and Voldemort isn't attacking anyone," Hermione reasoned. "That gives us some time to figure out what to do."

"I think we already know what to do," Harry muttered darkly.

Hermione's face fell, then she stood up.

"I'm going for a walk to clear my head."

"You think that's wise?" asked Harry.

"I won't go far. I'll be back soon."

As Hermione was making her way down the bungalow, three figures were making their way through their woods. The only reason Snape and Gollin had been able to find themselves anywhere near Harry and the others was because Monna's senses were sharp enough to track down Hermione's scent. Snape had been skeptical about it, until he started getting a whiff of her scent as well. Once again, Snape didn't find his enhanced senses to be odd. His focus was on finding Granger, regardless of his duty to find Harry. He would task Gollin with such a chore.

At one point, Granger's scent became stronger to him, and he knew he was a lot closer. He came to a stop and held out a hand for Gollin to stop as well.

"What is it?"

"The Potter boy is close," Snape answered.

"How can you tell?"

"I can feel it, trust me."

"Right, I'm supposed to trust you," said Gollin. "A man who pounced on a hidden rat in the hall?"

"I caught him didn't I? Which means, we can also get Potter. You go that way and I'll continue on," Snape directed as he pointed off to the right.

"Oh no, and let you take the boy yourself? Steal all the glory by sending me on a wild chase?"

"I am giving you all the glory," Snape said silkily. "I sense he's in that direction. I care nothing for glory, but if you don't wish to impress the Dark Lord, then fine."

Snape made to move towards the right when Gollin jumped in front of him.

"Oh no you don't. I'm not letting you do all the work there. I'll go."

Gollin shrugged off to the right with his wand extended. Snape grinned and continued onward.

"So this is it?" asked Monna worriedly.

"Yes," said Snape. "This is it, for Hermione Granger."

It wasn't Hermione's intention to travel so far. She just felt a long walk would help clear her head more. At one point she stopped and leaned against a tree. Aside from the situation of Voldemort, she was also thinking of the fact that she had killed Snape for the second time. She didn't know why she was feeling guilty.

"He's a traitor," she muttered to herself. "It was defense. It's not my fault. I didn't do anything wrong. He had it coming."

"Did he now?"

Hermione looked up and gasped. Snape was smirking while Monna flicked her tail in a nervous manner.

"You…you're…I thought you were—"

"Dead? I believe you've asked that before."

"How can that be. The way the rubble fell on you…"

"Seems you wouldn't make a very good Death Eater Granger. You have so much trouble, _killing_."

Hermione pulled out her wand and pointed it right at his heart.

"How are you going to kill me this time Granger? With avada kedavra?"

"No," Hermione whispered.

"Then I expect I'll turn the tables on you," he said as he pulled out his own wand.

"Why are you doing this?" Hermione asked in a quiet voice.

At that, Snape narrowed his eyes. "You wouldn't understand. And since it's going to end this way, I suggest you give Potter a message."

"What message?"

"The answer to ending this, is in Dumbledore's memories."

"What?"

Snape didn't answer it. Instead, he made to yell out a curse, but Hermione beat him to it. Monna foolishly took a leap before Snape to block the curse. And in a flash of mixed light, Monna fell hard against Snape who stumbled back onto the ground. A strange tingly feeling traveled through him.

He pulled himself up to a sitting position and found Monna laying limp in his lap. Snape stood and let her seemingly lifeless body plop to the ground. He was momentarily stunned by it. That gave Hermione the opportunity to try and get the upper hand. She pointed her wand at the thick tree Snape was standing next to. She muttered the curse. Snape looked up in time to see a heavy branch coming his way. It collided sharply with the side of his head and caused him to soar across the air in a near graceful manner. He landed, limp like Monna. Hermione quickly ran to him and reached for his wrist.

"Dead," she realized. "Definitely dead."

The branch had connected with the side of his head in a fatal manner. Blood was seeping down his forehead. Hermione pocketed his wand and started to head back to the bungalow, but stopped when she neared Monna.

"Poor cat. I'm sorry."

With her quick apology, she ran off towards the bungalow to warn Harry.

**Okay. Once again, Snape has died, for the third time. The deaths are back! :) But what about Monna and that tingling feeling Snape was feeling? You'll definately want to stick around and see that next time.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**

**On to chapter 5. What's become of Snape, and what's become of Monna? Now you'll find out. By the way, it gets odd starting from here. (And you're probably saying "Now it gets odd?" ;)**

Changes

Snape didn't start to rouse to until Hermione was long gone from him. A drip of blood traveled down his forehead. Snape started to reach up and brush it away when he noticed his fingernails. They were a lot longer and looked a lot more like claws. There was a slight scratch on his hand which he gently licked away. He put his hand to his head as the memory of what happened surfaced.

He knew he had been killed again, and by his least favorite ex-student, Granger.

"This is getting ridiculous," he muttered.

He worked his way to his feet and lightly dusted himself off. Before he could decide what to do next, he heard a grumbling voice coming his way. The grumbling voice belonged to a gray turtle that was slowly making its way toward him.

"I can't believe this….this is unacceptable! How! Why…there's nothing worse than being a…it's humiliating….I can't possibly go on…"

"I recognize that voice," Snape said to himself. "Moanna?"

"It's Monna," said the turtle. "Though…I'm not so sure anymore."

Monna was no longer the scrawny gray cat, she was now a hard-shelled gray turtle. Snape gave a small smirk.

"You didn't tell me you could shape-shift," he noted.

"I can't shape-shift!" she cried in rage. "If I could, why would I shape-shift into a turtle! That…girl's spell hit me. She did this to me."

Snape thought back to the moment Hermione raised her wand.

"I seriously doubt she intended to turn me into a turtle," he snapped.

"Both your spell and hers collided…and this is the result." She stood before him looking angry, but then her look of irritation shifted to shock. "Speaking of results…it looks like you've gone through a change as well?"

"What do you mean?"

"If you had a mirror…"

Snape conjured one out of thin air, and then was able to see what she was talking about. He couldn't quite say he was a cat, but he was close to looking like one with cat ears on top of his head. Snape ran a finger across them.

"They can't be real," he whispered, but he knew they were.

Another thing that had changed was his eyes. They had become yellowed like a cat's eyes, and his pupils had slanted. Snape opened his mouth and ran his tongue across cat fangs.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you stole my body!" cried Monna.

"Quiet! I didn't take anything from you!" Snape waved the wand and evaporated the mirror. "If it wasn't for you, I'd have succeeded in cursing that bloody Granger girl."

"You shouldn't have tried to kill her."

"I wasn't going to!" he shouted.

"Well, since you're not, I don't suppose you'd mind lifting this spell off me."

Snape's face darkened to malice.

"After the trouble you've caused me! This one being the worse! You did that to yourself. Had you stayed put you wouldn't be a turtle, and I wouldn't be…partially felined."

"I did save your life remember?," Monna moaned. "You'd think you'd be grateful for that."

"I'm not grateful to a cat. I'll never be. Not after this," he cried as he pointed at his ears.

"Can you at least try to change me—"

"No I can't. Not even if I wanted to. When two spells merge like that and create another curse, it's impossible. You could end up turtle soup."

Monna would have twitched a tail angrily if she had one.

"That's not funny," she growled.

"What are you going to do? Snap at me?" Snape jeered. He then pointed his wand at her.

"What are you doing?" she asked, panicked.

"Something I should have done a while ago. "

"But…but." Monna started to back away.

"It's only fair," said Snape calmly. "You yourself said you can't go on. I'll put you out of your misery. Avada ka-"

"_Avada Kadavra!"_

Snape didn't have time to think that his spell might have backfired on him. He didn't have time to think of anything at all. The green light had enveloped him and threw his body into the air. He hit the ground once again, dead. Monna sighed and shook her head.

"Bloody hell."

There was a triumphant laugh in the air that came from Gollin who was now walking toward Snape's body.

"Crazy looking monster," he muttered. "Boy I wish Snape had seen that. Probably get a reward for capturing…..ooohhhhh."

He was now staring down at the human cat like creature. His cat like eyes and mouth were open in shock. Gollin didn't take into consideration that he looked an awful lot like Snape. The only thing he really noticed was his cat like ears. He reached down and rubbed them curiously.

"Hmm, maybe you're not a bad fella afterall aye?"

There was a twitch and Gollin jumped back. Snape blinked and started to pull himself up. Gollin found he couldn't raise his wand as he was too shocked to do so. Snape groaned then sat up and narrowed his eyes at his latest killer.

"Gollin! What's the meaning of killing me?"

"S-snape? That you?"

"Of course it's me," he sneered.

"Funny, you don't look like you. You've got cat ears. What have you done to yourself?"

"I haven't, I was cursed."

"By?"

"That Granger girl who follows Potter everywhere."

"Hmm, gave you the slip too did she. So did Potter."

"What!"

Before Snape could yell out curses at him, he felt an odd pain running down his back. Snape tensed as it sharpened along his backside. Snape turned onto all fours and braced himself as something ripped through the back of his robes. Gollin gasped and Snape turned around. There was a tail waving behind him. A black tail to match his black ears. Snape groaned and glared at the turtle who merely gulped.

A few moments later found Snape, seated before a fire next to Gollin, twitching his tail. On Snape's other side was a nervous looking turtle. Gollin kept looking at her as if he planned to eat her.

"I can't figure it," Gollin muttered.

"Can't figure what?"

"You and that turtle. Where'd it come from anyways, and what happened to that cat?"

Snape sneered. "Would you believe that turtle is the cat?"

"No."

"Then stop asking about it."

They fell into silence. After a while, Gollin broke it.

"What are we going to tell the Dark Lord. Losing Potter like that."

"That's your problem," said Snape. "Obviously you weren't strong enough to do this task. I'll be happy to hear what the Dark Lord makes of that much."

"You listen here catman!" Gollin shouted. "I had him, I did. It's not my fault he got away! That Potter got out before I even knew he was there. He's a slippery one he is. The Dark Lord doesn't have to know about this does he?" Snape merely looked at him. Then Gollin reached out and started massaging his kitty ears.

"What are you—"

Snape started to pull back, but couldn't. Gollin's massaging was sending goosebumps down his back. His tail flicked in a comforting manner as he felt himself start to relax. He was so relaxed, his eyes drooped closed and he started to purr.

"Hmm, seems you're more cat now than man," said Gollin.

Snape quickly caught himself and grabbed Gollin's arm in a harsh manner.

"I am no cat you fool!"

"Of course not, of course not," said Gollin, panicked. "But are you really going back to headquarters like that?"

"No."

"What will you do? Shall I tell the Dark Lord you've died in battle."

"Of course not. Tell him, I'm off to get the Granger girl."

"What?" Gollin cried, shocked. "But what about Potter?"

"I'll use Granger as bait for him. Make whatever excuse you will for not getting Potter."

Snape grabbed the turtle and stood. Gollin gawked at him.

"Now wait just a minute! If you think I'm gonna let you walk right out of here and catch Potter for yourself—"

Gollin was silenced as soon as the curse hit him. He found himself crouching over as his nose ran heavily.

"Bogies!" he shouted in disgust.

Snape gave a little twisted smile, then stalked away from Gollin with the turtle under his arm. When they were out of earshot, Monna spoke to him.

"I hope that's not an excuse to take me somewhere and turn me into soup."

"No. I truly plan to settle this once and for all. And once I'm done with Granger, I'm going to deal with you."

Monna frowned.

"And I was thinking about handing over my stash of catnip. I know you'll enjoy that now."

Snape paused and momentarily looked curious, but quickly brushed it off.

**I warned you it was odd. Lately, I've been into writing odd stuff. Well, now we're at the point of trying to wrap this up, even though there are a couple of chapters left. So stay tuned for the next one. **

**Will Snape settle with Hermione? Will he die again? Will he be stuck as half cat half man? Will Monna be turned into turtle soup? (on that last one, I'll let you take a vote on that, the soup thing) Later!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**

**I had thought nine chapters since we're dealing with many lives, but I see little reason to kill Snape so often. We're narrowing it down. So here's chapter six.**

Pur-fect Opportunity

Hermione moved through the trees of the Forbidden Forest with her head down and hidden under her cloak. Much of her was worried for the safety of Harry and Ron. Harry had gone back to the castle when she had dared to mention what Snape had said to her about Dumbledore's memories. Ron had gone with him and Hermione had voted to stay behind. She had wanted to be on her own with her thoughts for a moment. Thoughts that shifted over to the possibility of Snape coming back to life.

"Don't be ridiculous," she said to herself. "He's gone. He can't come back again."

No matter how many times she said it to herself, she could not believe it. She knew something strange had to have happened to the man to make his many returns possible. The only question was, what?

She had a feeling it had something to do with the gray cat that was hanging around with him.

She wished she wasn't so curious about it. There were things bigger at stake than Snape and the cat. Hermione seated herself upon a log.

"Voldemort's more important than that man."

"Is he now?"

Hermione barely jumped. In a way, she felt like she was waiting for him to show up behind her. She swallowed and turned around. What she saw made her gasp and jump up from the log. She had expected Snape, but not a Snape with cat ears, a cat's tail and cat eyes, who was carrying a gray turtle under his arms.

"P-p-professor?" she questioned.

In response, Snape twitched his tail in annoyance.

"Well, if it weren't for you, and this…cat now turned turtle, I would say yes."

"But..but…but…"

"Don't tell me there's a riddle you can't solve miss Know-it-All," said Snape, sneering. "And I thought you had all the answers."

"Only you have the answers as to why you betrayed us, why you keep coming back to life after you…I.."

"Killed me?" Snape finished. Hermione swallowed thickly and continued.

"Why do you look like a cat?"

Snape narrowed his eyes. "I already told you, it was a fault of your doing, and this stupid turtle!"

"Cat! Not turtle!" Monna cried.

"You're a turtle now aren't you!"

"Yes, but I don't have the personality of one!" she shouted back.

"Then get one!" Snape shouted as he threw her aside.

Snape was breathing heavily with rage; even his tail bushed up. Hermione simply stared at the bizarreness of it all. She wasn't sure what to say or what to make of the whole thing. Hermione looked over at Monna who had fallen onto her back and was making a valiant effort to get back on her feet.

"Stupid stubby legs," she cursed. "Why couldn't I have been turned into a mountain lion?"

Hermione looked back at Snape. She had only just realized he wasn't pointing his wand at her, nor had she raised hers. She looked back at Monna again.

"It has something to do with that turtle, doesn't it?"

"Cat! C.A.T!" Monna shouted as she continued to struggle.

"Oh, my apologies," said Hermione. "That cat, doesn't it professor?"

Snape sneered.

"If you must know. That cat claimed she saved me from drowning. Brought me back to life in her opinion, and since then I don't seem capable of dying."

"Really," Hermione muttered. "I wonder what else you can do."

"What are you whispering about girl?"

"Nothing."

Snape placed a hand where his wand was concealed.

"Where are Potter and the Weasley boy?"

"None of your business."

"Out to find a way to defeat the Dark Lord once and for all?"

"With your help," said Hermione as she placed a hand where her own wand was hidden. "If you hadn't given us the clue about the memory, well, we'd be lost for a while."

"Lost, until the great Hermione Granger came up with something."

Hermione frowned and pulled out her wand slowly, just as Snape slowly pulled out his own.

"What have you come to do? Finish me off?"

"Something like that. Prepare yourself."

"Severus wait! Do you hear that?" Monna cried as she finally pulled herself on her feet.

Snape paused. "I don't hear anything."

"Listen closely."

Snape did and so did Hermione. There was the sound of an engine roaring through the forest. It was coming closer and closer and closer.

"What in the…."

Snape stopped short when he saw the source headed his way. He was so stunned by what it was, he couldn't move his feet nor his wand. The Ford Angela came roaring right at him. In mere seconds, it had struck Snape. Once again, Snape's body went soaring through the air. If anything, he soared a lot higher, and in a more graceful arch. Both Monna and Hermione watched him sail above them. They watched his wand fly out of his hand. They watched his body land with a sharp thump. Hermione's breath caught in her throat as she ran not away from, but towards Snape. Hermione yet again reached for a pulse just as Monna waddled over to them. The lights on the Ford Angela flashed, causing her to pause and watch the Weasley's old car. The culprit started to back up and disappear from sight.

"How did it know I was in…oh never mind," Hermione sighed.

"Is he…dead?" Monna asked worriedly.

"Hmm. I have a feeling I'd have to say "I thought you were dead" yet again. Yes, he's dead, definitely."

"Bloody hell," Monna groaned. "It's getting to where the man can't go a few feet away without dying. "

"The professor wasn't always a pleasant man. Maybe fate is playing with him," Hermione guessed.

"Or maybe he's just stupid," Monna decided.

Rather than leave the scene, Hermione returned to her log and faced Snape on the ground. Monna slowly wandered over to her.

"If I were you, I'd leave before he, reawakens."

"I'm not worried. If anything, I'll just kill him again and make my escape," she explained. "I want to see how he does it."

So she waited. She did not bother to ask Monna any questions. She just waited. Monna too waited, but much of her thoughts were on what Snape had said about gaining a turtle's personality.

"Not sure I can pull off being a turtle," she grumbled to herself. "Do you think you can change me back into a cat?"  
"Look, he's waking up," Hermione noted as she ran over to him. She stood there watching as the man roused, as if from a deep sleep. She frowned as she noticed something different about the man. Along with the ears, the tail and the eyes, he now had whiskers. Hermione smiled, finding him rather cute.

Before Snape could focus on what was happening, Hermione reached out and scratched him behind the ears. His anger was just beginning to rise, but it completely evaporated with her soft, gently touch. Snape found himself purring contently and leaning into her fingers.

"Aww, you like that don't you professor," she giggled.

Snape's only response was to purr and close his eyes. Monna sauntered over to them looking peeved.

"He becomes more like a cat every time he dies. That's all of my instincts he's got."

"But he's totally tame now, aren't you professor? There's no need for this revenge."

Hermione stopped and pulled away. Snape opened his eyes. Suddenly there was a loud crack nearby. Hermione heard the cry and saw the flash of green light.

"_Avada kedavra!"_

This time it was Hermione who fell to the ground dead. Snape watched her body fall as if it were happening in slow motion. If he was angry before, it was nothing compared to now.

**You know, this was suppose to be the last chapter, but I decided not to squeeze in so much. Instead, I believe I'll try to wrap it up in two. Anyways, the chapters get weirder. On Hermione patting Snape…no comment. Thought I'd take the silliness up a notch. Seems like I read something like it before in another fic, but no matter. **

**Oh yes. Hermione has just been killed! Is Snape gonna do something about it? Find out next time! **


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**

**Okay. This was going to be the final chapter! But, it got longer than I wanted it to end, so I decided to extend it to one more chapter. I know it's like perfect to end with nine chapters, for nine lives, but, the story ends where it ends. **

Catastrophic Result

The annoying little Know-it-All, that had bested him since she first sent him drowning in the lake had been bested. Since she caused a roof to cave in on him, someone had caused her life to come crashing down. Since she made a tree to cut him down, a curse had snuck up behind her and killed her.

Snape wasn't so sure how to react to her actual death. There she was, lying on her back, with her eyes wide open in shock and her mouth agape.

The little Know-it-All was gone.

Snape looked up at the cause of it. Gollin came skipping forward with a triumphant smile on his face.

"Took care of that little Potter fan, didn't I?"He came right up to Granger and kicked her feet. "If I couldn't get Potter, I at least got her. How about that Snape? Snape?"

Snape was glaring up at Gollin. His back was arching, and he was hissing and spitting.

"What's gotten into you?" Gollin asked as he backed away. "You're acting stranger than before?"

Snape didn't answer. Instead he pounced right onto an unprepared Gollin. He cried out as he felt Snape's claws sink into the flesh under his robes.

"What are you doing! Are you crazy!"

Gollin wheeled around and tried to shake him off, but he was hooked in tight. Snape had his legs wrapped around him and was now clawing at his face. His tail was bristling with fury.

"You're mad! You're a mad cat!"

"You killed her!" Snape shouted. "You killed Granger!"

"AAAaahhh! What do you care? AAAAhhh, she was,…our enemy!"

"She was mine!"

"Who cares who killed her!"

With one last turn, Gollin was finally able to shake Snape off who landed perfectly on his feet. Gollin quickly pulled out his wand and pointed it at him. Snape tensed, knowing what was coming.

"You've gone mad," Gollin declared. "This has all been too much for you. The Dark Lord will understand if you don't come back."

Even though Snape knew there was a great chance he would come back, he still said what Monna often said when he died.

"Bloody hell."

Oddly enough, death didn't come. What came was Gollin's scream of pain. He started dancing about on one leg and shaking the other which had Monna's jaws clapped onto his ankle.

"Get your bloody turtle off me!"

"I don't know Gollin. She's rather protective of me."

"AAAAAaaahhhh! She's drawing blood! I'm infected! She's infected me."

"I may be able to make it alright again," Snape said loudly over his screams. "If you promise to forget my temporary maddened state."

"Anything! Anything!"

Snape nodded and looked down at the turtle.

"Monna!"

She let go and went soaring until she hit some bushes. Monna landed with a heavy thump.

"Thanks for cushioning my fall!" she shouted to Snape from behind the leaves.

Gollin whimpered as Snape came forward with a little smirk on his face. He pulled out his wand and gave his bite a gentle tap, making it heal.

"We have a deal Gollin?"

"Y-yes, of course," he said shakily.

"Shake," Snape demanded.

Gollin reached out a shaky hand and Snape grabbed it and pulled him close.

"You spread word of what happened, and I'll be sure and spread word of the fact that you failed to track down Potter for the second time, and that the best you could do was to tear down one of his little friends that could have been used as live bait."

Gollin gasps, then quickly turned and ran away. Snape was now left with a lifeless Hermione. Though it had been his goal to best her, he had never intended to actually kill her. He stepped up to her, not knowing what to feel. Monna slowly walked up to his side.

"She's gone now Monna. She'll never be able to murder me again."

Monna stared at the girl curiously. "You know. Since you seem to possess much of my cat self, you could, bring her back to life the same way I did you."

"And how, exactly, would I do that?"

"Well….," Monna gave a long, dramatic pause. "With a kiss."

"WHAT!"

"It's a cat's kiss of life."

Snape sneered and stared down at the girl.

"If that's what it takes, then it's probably best she stay dead."

Monna frowned.

"For the poor girl's sake, I agree."

"What!" he hissed. "Are you telling me, that I'm not good enough to..to..to kiss…Granger?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying," Monna said slyly. "Your lips are probably as greasy as your hair." Snape's tail bushed up immediately. "You're not magically powerful enough to restore her. You don't have the lip power to—"

"I'll show you who has the lip power!" he cried as he bent down to one knee and lifted up her head. With little hesitation, he lowered his head and planted a kiss on her lips. Snape felt an odd, tingling sensation circulating throughout his body. He felt that same sensation pour downward through his lips. When it was over, he pulled away. Hermione gasped and drew in a deep breath, then her eyes fluttered open. Her big brown eyes found Snape who gently laid her down and stepped away.

"You…I..I was dead, and you..what happened?" she cried.

"Yes you were, Ms. Granger. If you hadn't been so careless, I might not have had to…," he paused and cleared his throat awkwardly, "You can thank me later. Come Monna."

Snape started to turn away, with Monna in his arms.

"Wait!"

Hermione cried. Snape stopped.

"There's nothing more to be said between us," Snape said without turning to face her. "We are even. Find Potter, and that imbecile Weasley, and try not to get yourself killed."

Hermione wanted to question him, but wasn't sure what to ask. She allowed him to walk away without cursing him.

When they were far enough away, Monna turned to Snape.

"So, that's the end of it? Between you and her?"

Snape set her turtle self down and glared at her.

"That's the end of me and her, but it's not the end of you and me. Out with it Monna! Who or what are you? What am I?"

Monna gave a sigh before answering.

"What I am…or what I was..is what you are now. I'm a turtle remember? Just look at me." Monna shook her head in annoyance. "If you just had the decency to change me back—"

"I already told you, a curse like that combined can't undo anything. An attempt to change you back might really extinguish all nine of your lives. Now out with it."

Monna gave a heavy sigh.

"Then, I suppose, I'll have to get used to life as a turtle, and you'll have to get used to my job."

"Which is?"

"I was one of the last of my kind. As far as I know, there were only about four others left, or maybe nine. We're peace bringers."

"Peace bringers from where?" Snape growled.

"From a hidden part of the magical world. Our ancestors took on the role of guardians to wizards or witches."

"You mean familiars, talking, annoying familiars."

"No, peace bringing guardians. That's different. In the past, we went where the trouble was. Where disruption or war was starting among wizards and chose one to put an end to it. To ease things back to the way they were."

"Why?" Snape hissed. His tail twitched in annoyance. "What's it to do with you? Why not keep your nose out of it?"

"I don't know. It's just a role my…well, now your ancestors have taken up. Our ability and interest in judging a person, one person we believed could help change things for the better, but now…the majority of us have died out."

"If they're all like you, I'm not surprised," Snape sneered. "If you had kept your noses out of our problems and stopped acting like angels, you might have survived."

"Yeah, and I might not be at risk for becoming turtle soup," said Monna bitterly. "But, obviously I can't do it anymore. You'll have to."

"I don't think so!" He hissed with a glare.

"But..but you have to!" Monna moaned. "There's so few of us left, and you'll have to carry on the tradition!"

"I don't have to carry on anything! Just because I happen to look like you, or part of you! Why did you choose me anyways? To ruin my life?"

"No, no. I could tell. You were a complicated figure, yet, you were in-between both sides of the war, which meant you were the one most likely to end it. That's why I feared you committing a murder on that girl, but instead you gave her that vital piece of information."

"I'm not responsible for other's choices. Just because she took it to Potter, and he did something with it, does not mean I am a hero."

"No…you're definitely not a hero," she agreed. "But you were the proper choice."

"Maybe because I was going to spare that information all along. I was playing both sides. It was my job to help see an end to the war! It had nothing to do with some lousy cat that's been jabbering away in my ear. You think you're my conscious or something? You had nothing to do with my ending the war. It was planned all along."

Moanna seemed shocked as well as hurt by his speech. She then lowered her reptilian like head.

"I'm no fortune teller you know. How was I suppose to know it was planned."

"Worst guardian of all time," Snape sneered.

"Give me a break. There was hardly any of my kind around to learn from. I'm still kind of new at this."

"What?"

"I've visited this part of the magical world before. Visited Hogwarts grounds many times in the past even though there was no trouble, or war."

"What about the first war? When the Dark Lord came to power?"

Monna pulled her head in a bit into her shell.

"I was too scared to participate in that. To go searching for a guardian. I promised myself I would find one this time, and not be scared. Now, the only thing I'm scared of is being a turtle."

After a moment of letting the silence cover them, Snape pulled out his wand. Monna pulled her head out and stared in horror at it.

"You're not, still planning on killing me are you?"

"Believe it or not, no. I'm going to get rid of this cat suit once and for all."

"What makes you think you can get rid of it so easily? If you couldn't undo my turtle suit."

"This is different," he said as he pointed the wand at himself.

"No, DON'T!" Monna shouted as she proceeded to stop him, but her turtle outfit forced her to move slowly.

She was too slow. Snape had already muttered a curse. There was a blinding flash of white light. Monna shut her eyes and turned away.

When it was gone, she heard something heavy hit the ground. Monna looked around and hurried up to him as fast as her short legs could move. She stood next to Snape with a shocked look on her face.

"Oh…bloody hell."

**I know you're probably dying to know what happened to Snape! You know the only time Monna ever says "bloody hell". Anyways, stay tuned for what really will be the final chapter. By the way, this challenge also involved using prompts, I've used them all. They were the following: socks, bungalow, turtle, curse of the bogies, and the quote "I thought you were dead."**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**

**At last! This is the final chapter! I'm glad I've come to an end. It was kind of a struggle getting here, but there it is. And I believe I made the deadline too :D. Though this one's done, you guys should check out other stories I wrote!**

Replacement

Slowly Snape's vision started to come back to him. He blinked a few times and saw the turtle's shocked face hovering close over him. He didn't have the strength to yell for her to get away from him.

"What…what happened?" he moaned.

"You…foolishly tried to get rid of your cat suit remember?"

"Right," Snape agreed as he suddenly remembered. "Did it work?"

At that, Monna quirked a nervous expression. "Well…not exactly."

"What?"

"I'd say, you're much more ready now to take on my job."

"WHAT!"

Snape made to push himself up to his feet, but noticed the odd contortion of his body. He looked down and gasped. His body had shrunk and was covered in black fur. He didn't have hands anymore, he had paws. Snape rolled over and found himself on all fours.

"This can't be! NO!"

He ran his paws across his face, but found that it was still human. The only thing that had altered was his body from his neck down.

"I don't believe this!" Snape cried.

"Neither do I," said Monna. "You're even uglier than before."

Snape hissed and drew up his back.

"I've got to find some way out of this."

"How? You can't even hold a wand."

Snape was ready to strike her down, but then he heard a crack. Not too far away from them was Gollin, along with Voldemort.

"_Hide_!" Snape hissed at Monna.

They quickly ducked into some bushes just as Gollin and Voldemort strolled near.

"I tell you," Gollin was crying in a shaky voice. "Severus has gone mad! He tried to kill me. Me! Attacking like an animal. Like a cat!"

From behind the bushes, Snape narrowed his eyes.

"Should have killed him when I had the chance," he muttered.

Voldemort was observing Gollin curiously. Then his focus shifted to the area around them.

"He's not here now Gollin," he said in his snake like voice. "But if he's as mad as you say he is, it's probably best he doesn't return to us."

"And if he does?" Gollin asked curiously.

"He'll have to be, taken care of," he answered with a sneer. At that, Gollin gave a light smile.  
"Yes my lord."

Voldemort began to walk away with Gollin trailing behind like a happy little puppy.

"And, if he does come back, may I be the one to kill him?"

With the sound of another crack, they were gone. Snape and Monna came out of hiding.

"That good for nothing traitor!" Snape hissed. "Should have killed him."

"Never mind him," said Monna. "What about you? What about your master. He's out to kill you now."

"He's not my master. Not anymore."

"So you're not going back to him?"

"No," he answered with a sigh. "I can't now. My time as a traitorous death eater is over. And even if I could go back to being human and flee the country, odds are, they'd find me."

"So…what are you going to do?"

Snape twitched his tail as he thought long and hard. After several minutes, he sighed.

Hermione sat upon her log, thinking about what had just occurred. She had just experienced what Snape had gone through. She just could not believe that she had died, and that Snape was somehow able to bring her back to life. She brushed a finger to her lip, certain there had been a kiss between them, but at the same time she wasn't sure.

"I suppose I'd better do as he said. I'll find Harry and Ron and…Oh, what'll happen now?"

She heard the padding of something walking up to her. She turned and gasped as she saw the strange human headed cat heading her way with a turtle next to him.

"Exactly what I was wondering Miss Granger. At least about myself."

"Oh my! What happened to you?"

"His own foolishness," Monna explained. "He tried to get rid of the cat ears and everything else. This is the result."

"Oh my," Hermione cried as she gazed down at the even more cat like Snape. She could hardly believe that he was almost all cat now, except for his head. "Would you like me to try and undo it professor?"

"As much as I'd hate to risk asking you for help, I'd have to say no."

"What?"

"As freakish as I look, I'm afraid it will be too much of a risk if anyone, least of all you tried to change me back. I could lose my head! My human head. Regardless of how bad it looks on this cat body, I prefer to keep some part of me that's human. "

"I understand."

"Besides, I'm a wanted man, by the Dark Lord and aurors."

"So what will you do now?" Hermione asked tentatively.

"Well, I suppose that's where you come in," Snape sighed. His tail swished back and forth in anger and humiliation.

"Me?"

"Yes you. Monna has told me she can no longer do the job, being as she's no longer a cat. Obviously I can no longer be a professor, death eater or wizard,…so I suppose, I'll have to be a guardian."

"A…guardian?"

"Your guardian Miss Granger. Monna's job was to be an annoying conscious to wizards, however, you yourself is annoying enough that you don't really need me."

Hermione frowned, but a small smile tugged at the corner of her lips.

"Well, whether that's true or not, I'd never turn down the opportunity to help a feline in distress."

She reached down and pulled Snape into her arms.

"Unhand me you insufferable Know-it-all or else I will—"

"What? Take points? Sign me up for detention?" she chided. Snape made to struggle, but Hermione quickly settled him by massaging him along his back. He tried hard to fight against her soothing touch, but in the end, he ended up purring and falling into a relaxed state.

"I'll take good care of you," Hermione whispered.

"I don't need you to take care of me. All I need you to do is..provide me with a saucer of warm milk."

"I think that can be arranged."

Hermione made her way towards the castle with Snape in her arms. Their conflict had been resolved. Monna watched them go, feeling left out and forgotten.

"Of all the nerve," she said angrily. "How does he expect to learn to be a guardian without me. Hey! Wait for me you—"

Monna was interrupted as she suddenly found herself being lifted into the air. She was turned around and found herself facing a grinning Gollin.

"Well, if I can't get rid of that mad Snape character, I can at least get rid of his turtle."

"No…wait no!" Monna shouted. But Gollin wasn't listening. He carried her along with him.

In the days that passed, Voldemort had finally been defeated by Harry Potter. Hermione had received a new secret protector who she was taking good care of, even though he wasn't fully acting like a protector. He was more like the professor he had been at Hogwarts, always criticizing her. Neither Ron nor Harry divulged the secret of what had happened to Snape. He'd become Monna's replacement.

As for Monna, she had become a delicious turtle soup for Gollin. The only reminder that she had ever been around, was her gray shell which had been nailed to the wall in Gollin's home.

The End.

**Alls well that ends well. Snape became somewhat a cat, and Monna became lunch. I was ready to get rid of that cat. She was annoying me. I'm glad I'm done with this challenge. It went in such a wild direction that I just….well…I took it places and now I'm glad I'm done. Still, I liked going in odd, quirky directions. I've never done that before and I think I probably will write other humiliating, uncomfortable or odd stories in the HP universe. I've always written stories for it in a serious manner. Taking a direction like this has made me interested in writing fics for HP again. **

**I completed the dare and used all the prompts.**


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